Shifting From ‘On a Diet’ to ‘This Is Just How I Live’
Most of us can stick to a diet for a while. Rules feel safe. Cut carbs. Count calories. Track every bite. For a few weeks, maybe even a few months, the structure works.
But then real life happens. Stress. Work. Illness. Family. Suddenly we ‘break the rules’ and the diet is over. Not because we didn’t care, but because rigid systems just aren’t realistic.
That’s the problem with thinking in terms of being ‘on’ and ‘off’ a diet. The language itself implies impermanence. Something you start, then inevitably stop. Something you try to control with rules, only for life and biology to eventually push back.
The real shift isn’t about finding a better diet. It’s about building an identity - becoming the kind of person who lives in a way that supports their health, without being ‘on’ or ‘off’ anything.
Why Identity Matters More Than Willpower
For decades, diets and weight-loss programmes sold us on the idea of willpower. If only you had more grit, more discipline, more self-control, you’d succeed. If you didn’t? You’d fail.
The research doesn’t agree.
Behavioural science shows that habits last longer when they’re tied to identity, not just outcomes.
“I’m trying to lose weight” is a goal.
“I’m someone who looks after my body” is an identity.
The first depends on motivation. The second becomes part of your story.
In a landmark study, Lally et al. (2010) found that forming new habits takes anywhere from 18 to 254 days, depending on the complexity of the behaviour. The magic wasn’t in the number of days - it was in the repetition. And repetition sticks better when it feels like part of who you are, not just what you’re forcing yourself to do.
James Clear’s Atomic Habits made this mainstream, but the evidence has been in psychology for decades: identity-based behaviour change is more resilient than outcome-based change.
If your only identity is ‘a dieter’, you’ll always be waiting to stop. If your identity is ‘I’m someone who takes care of my health’, the routines you practise become self-reinforcing.
Biology Still Plays Its Part
Here’s the nuance that’s often missing.
Identity isn’t a magic shield against biology. After weight loss, hunger hormones like ghrelin increase, satiety hormones like leptin decrease and resting metabolism slows (Sumithran et al., 2011). This is why most regain weight after diets. The body is pulling you back towards its previous settings.
That doesn’t mean identity doesn’t matter - it means identity provides scaffolding in the storm. Biology is the current, habits and identity are the oars.
GLP-1 medications help by quieting appetite. They turn down the ‘food noise’ enough for people to practise routines without constant hunger. But they don’t rewrite identity. The STEP 4 trial (Rubino et al., 2021) showed that when medication stops, most people regain - unless routines are already deeply rehearsed.
So this isn’t about blaming behaviour. Biology is powerful. But identity-based habits are the structures that help you resist, even if only partly.
My Own Shift
For me, the real change came when I stopped thinking, ‘I’m on a diet’ and started rehearsing ‘I’m the kind of person who…’
I’m the kind of person who puts protein on my plate at every meal.
I’m the kind of person who drinks water before Diet Coke.
I’m the kind of person who protects my sleep because I function better when I do.
I’m the kind of person who moves daily - sometimes it’s weights, sometimes just walking the dogs, but I move.
At first, these didn’t feel natural. They felt like rules. But the more I practised them, the less effortful they became. They shifted from being things I was trying to do, to being part of how I saw myself.
That’s the power of identity. It takes habits from ‘tasks’ to ‘truth’.
Identity Anchors: Practical Examples
Identity anchors are statements that tie behaviour to self-story. They’re flexible, not rigid. They make habits stick because they make sense for you.
Here’s how they work in daily life:
Food
Instead of “I can’t have dessert” → “I’m the kind of person who balances protein with what I enjoy.”
Instead of “I must avoid carbs” → “I’m the kind of person who builds meals that keep me fuelled.”
Exercise
Instead of “I must train 4x per week” → “I’m the kind of person who keeps my body strong enough to do what matters”.
Instead of “I failed if I miss a workout” → “I’m the kind of person who moves daily, even if it’s just walking the dogs”.
Sleep
Instead of “I should go to bed earlier” → “I’m the kind of person who switches off screens to protect my rest’.
Stress
Instead of “I shouldn’t comfort eat” → “I’m the kind of person who decompresses with a walk or a bath”.
Environment
Instead of “I have no willpower with snacks” → “I’m the kind of person who sets up my kitchen so the easy choice is the better one”.
Notice none of these rely on perfection. They’re flexible, but they create a consistent story about who you are.
OT Lens: Grading and Function
From an occupational therapy perspective, identity isn’t built overnight. It’s graded.
When someone needs to improve handwriting, an OT doesn’t hand them a pen and say, “write an essay.” They start with theraputty, finger strength and short writing bursts. The same applies here.
Beginner → “I’m the kind of person who fills half my plate with veg once a day”.
Intermediate → “I’m the kind of person who hits 7000 steps most days”.
Advanced → “I’m the kind of person who strength trains twice a week”.
Each anchor builds on the last. This scaffolding allows identity to grow slowly but solidly, instead of crumbling under pressure.
The Evidence for Identity-Based Habits
Let’s ground this in research.
Lally et al. (2010): Habit formation requires repetition until automaticity develops. Identity makes repetition easier.
Gardner et al. (2012): Habits reduce reliance on willpower - identity congruence makes them “stickier”.
Westenhoefer (1991): Flexible restraint (not rigid diets) predicts better long-term maintenance - and flexibility comes more naturally when behaviour is part of identity.
NWCR (Wing & Phelan, 2005): Successful weight-loss maintainers weren’t ‘on diets’ - they practised stable routines tied to daily living, which looks a lot like identity in action.
The takeaway? Habits linked to identity are more resilient because they’re integrated into how people see themselves.
Reflection Prompts: Building Your Own Identity
If you feel like you’ve been “on and off” forever, maybe the question isn’t “What diet should I try next?” but “Who do I want to be?”
Ask yourself:
What kind of person do I want to see in the mirror?
What routines would that person practise daily?
What scaffolding would help me live well, even if medication stopped or stress hit?
Which tiny identity anchors can I start rehearsing today?
It doesn’t have to be dramatic. It just has to be believable. Identities are built from habits stacked slowly, not transformations achieved instantly.
what Worked For Me
GLP-1 medication gave me the quiet I needed around food. But it was identity-based habits that gave me the foundation to build a new normal. Not rules. Not diets. A shift in my story: from someone who was always starting over and strived to eat ‘perfectly’, to someone who simply lives this way now.
It’s not flawless and biology still plays its part. But it’s the best chance I’ve got - and the one thing I can practise daily.
References
Lally P et al. How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. Eur J Soc Psychol, 2010.
Sumithran P et al. Long-term persistence of hormonal adaptations to weight loss. NEJM, 2011.
Wing RR, Phelan S. Long-term weight loss maintenance. Am J Clin Nutr, 2005.
Gardner B et al. Making health habitual: the psychology of ‘habit formation’ and general practice. Br J Gen Pract, 2012.
Westenhoefer J. Flexible vs. rigid restraint and disinhibition: is restraint a homogeneous construct? Appetite, 1991.
